He Delivers

For as long as I can remember…I’ve been addicted to pornography.

I am an elder millennial so I had early access when the internet was first gaining popularity in the 90s. I vividly remember being in chat rooms having conversations I shouldn’t have been having and looking at pictures and videos that I shouldn’t have been looking at. I also read books I shouldn’t have been reading. I thought it was normal. I knew more about sex from what I had seen and read than from the typical “birds and the bees talk” from my parents…which I actually never got.

Sex was taboo in our household.

This habit followed me into adulthood. In my head, it was better for me to be watching it than actually out doing it. In my head, I wasn’t hurting anyone by watching it.

As I started to get closer to Jesus, I realized that I was idolizing pornography. I was addicted. It was creating lust in my heart and separating myself from Him. I would do it and immediately feel icky and disappointed in myself.

I prayed for the strength to overcome it..and one day…I just stopped.

It’s been almost a year since I last fell. He delivered me from my addiction. If I got the urge I would pull out my Bible and pray the temptation away, and it worked, so I kept doing that.

I think that there comes a point in your walk when you just want to make Him proud, and doing anything other than that makes you so increasingly sad, that you do everything you can, to never do it again.

Now I’m not saying I’m perfect, and I pray that I never fall back into it…but I know that if that happens, it’s because my flesh is weak and I have to work as hard as I can to deny my flesh.

Our flesh wants us to rebel. It knows it’s not going with us at the end of the age, so we have to break it down and show it who’s boss.

If you’re going through this same struggle, or something similar, speak to God about it. He knows ALL things, so come to Him and repent. Come to Him and ask for strength. I had been addicted for over two decades, and I know I say this a lot but I am just grateful that He waited for me.

We cannot keep sinning once we know better, and once I FULLY knew better and wanted to work on my relationship with Him, I knew I had to cut it off.

He delivered me.

I know that He can deliver you too.