Time is Weird

My mom has been gone for a little over 2 weeks now…and it just doesn’t feel right.

We had her funeral, and the service was absolutely beautiful…and now I find myself just counting time.

I heard someone say that when you lose someone, you will count time as before that person and after…and I know this to be true from when I lost my best friend…but this is different.

My dad lost his wife of over 40 years, my kids lost their GiGi, and my brothers and I lost our mom…the person who brought us into this world.

I cry every night.

Yall know we weren’t exactly besties, but I always showed up for my mom and my mom always showed up for me. I am so happy that I got to spend as much time with her as I did before she passed…time to talk and take pictures and videos…but I can’t help but dwell on the fact that she just didn’t get enough time.

But, God.

God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.

I keep telling myself that despite us not getting our prayers answered in the way that we wanted…that He is still good.

Matthew 26:39 says

“He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.””

Even Jesus Himself wished to skip the bad parts but acknowledged that it was God’s will that is the most important.

I don’t know why He allowed cancer to take my mom…but I know He isn’t THE reason. He never intended for us to experience death or sickness or grief…sin did that.

So while I grieve, I will still praise Him.

While I am sad, I will still run to Him.

When I want to hide, I know that He is El Roi, the God who sees me.

He is right there with me, and with you, in our pain and sadness. He will NEVER leave us.

Jesus, thank You.

Thank You for healing my mom. Thank You for finally and ETERNALLY removing the cancer and making her whole in Your presence.

Help us who are still here and grieving, find the peace that only You can bring us.

Help us to find comfort in Your words, for You do not lie. We can be sure that she is with You in paradise.

Remind us that in the end, we will be reunited. Not only with her, but with You.

We love you, Jesus.

Amen.