He Will Replace What You Lost
If you scroll down a few entries, you will find one I dedicated to my best friend Stacy Akinyemi, who passed away in 2017. We weren’t speaking at the time, and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
I used to work at a police department for a few years but left in 2018. When I was on my way out, a new girl named Samantha started…we met very briefly. A few years passed, and I went back to that same police department (a different area), and the same girl who I met in 2018 was working there. She remembered meeting me and played a huge part in me getting the role. We became super close, and she is my sister in Christ to this day - even though we stopped working together over 3 years ago.
Guess what her initials are…S.A. Like Stacy. Guess when her birthday is…in October. Like Stacy.
I didn’t even put two and two together until maybe a year ago. I cried. God saw my hurt over Stacy and saw fit to send me someone who would keep me accountable like Stacy did, someone who would love me despite my faults, someone who would encourage me, someone who I could go to for literally anything, and it is simply amazing.
I call it a God wink.
That’s not the only one.
I had a friend named Cristen who I was best friends with from 6th grade up until about 4 years ago. She was getting married and I was pregnant with Ellis. She didn’t ask me to be her bridesmaid, and I figured it was because I was pregnant, which didn’t bother me because it wasn’t my wedding. I went to her bridal shower and tried to be as supportive as I could. I even checked her and her fiancée in for their honeymoon flight the day of the wedding and was super happy to do so. The day of the wedding, my then boyfriend and I showed up, enjoyed the ceremony, then went to the reception. We were told that we weren’t on the seating chart. They told us there were some extra tables up a huge flight of stairs that we could sit at…and as I was VERY pregnant, I was in no shape to waddle up a bunch of stairs. It was incredibly embarrassing, and I felt completely dejected. So, we just left.
I texted her as we were leaving, but I knew she wouldn’t see it because she was busy with wedding festivities. When she eventually realized what happened, she just told me that it wasn’t her fault and that she didn’t know I wasn’t on there. I felt like the seating arrangement would have had to get her approval, and that I wasn’t given any consideration because I wasn’t that important.
It also made me incredibly sad because if my best friends were pregnant when I got married, it wouldn’t have stopped me from including them in my special day.
I had Ellis shortly after that, and she reached out and I responded, but Ellis and I had a rough go at the beginning, and we were in and out of the hospital constantly so I do admit that I wasn’t AS responsive as I could have been.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Kiana, isn’t this what happened with Stacy? You’re right. So, I pushed my pride to the side because I didn’t want to lose a friend, so once I healed a bit and things calmed down, I asked her to grab dinner so we could talk about it in person, and she initially agreed, but canceled and I just never heard from her again.
Enter my next job in City government. I met someone named Kristen (you see where I’m going here), and we became close. She was younger than me, and I kind of felt like it was a big sister kind of relationship, but a wonderful relationship, nonetheless. We would talk constantly, and give each other advice and encouragement, and we were slowly moving back towards Jesus at the same time too.
I stopped working at that job about a year ago, and Kristen and I talk almost daily, and grab lunch every chance we get. One day, I had lunch with Kristen and her fiancée. We were just chatting and catching up, when Kristen leaned over and whispered something to her fiancée. She then looked at me and said she had something to ask me. She told me that I played a huge part in their relationship with giving her advice and being an advocate for forgiveness and compromise…and she asked if I would read a Bible verse at their wedding.
Yall.
I went from not being considered in Cristen’s wedding AT ALL…to being asked to read a verse at Kristen’s wedding.
YOU CAN’T TELL ME THAT WASN’T GOD!!
I bawled like a baby. What an honor. I still get emotional thinking about it.
I say all this to say…God loves us. He loves us so much and cares about what we have going on in our lives. He not only replaced what I lost but gave me something so precious in return. I am so grateful that He sees me.
I have learned so much about myself these past few years. Therapy certainly helped me with taking accountability and learning to accept how I make people feel and pivot. God has helped me even more. He forgives us for SO MUCH. He said to forgive others 77x7 times…which actually means to lose count. Every time you remember, forgive.
I do forgive Cristen. I wish we were able to reconnect, but I hope she is doing well. I know that Stacy is in heaven cheering for me.
I am so grateful for my incredible friends Samantha and Kristen. They are two of the best people I’ve ever encountered, and I hold our relationships close to my heart.
If He dresses the lilies with beauty and splendor…how much more will He clothe you?
Consider the ravens…
Pick any random verse in the Bible…they all point to a God who loves us and is watching over us and wants good things for us! Jesus died for us…THAT’S how much He loves us.
Thank you, Jesus, for quite literally everything.