Welp.
My last entry was on Christmas of 2021…it is August 23, 2022. Yikes.
I ran out of motivation. I ran out of things to write about. I came up with every excuse known to man. I started working out. I stopped working out. I started a new job. I quit that job and now I’m at a different job. I took a few cute pictures and made a few cute reels. I promised myself that I wouldn’t stop…that I’d push through the depression and the feelings on unworthiness and the LAZINESS. I didn’t.
We all know the saying that everyone has the same 24 hours…I feel like my days are more like 10. I go to work for 8 hours, I come home and try to spend some time with my kids and then it’s bedtime. Then I do it all over again the next day. I feel like I never TRULY have any time to do anything. I’m on a hamster wheel and I don’t know how to get off. I’m always tired but I have to keep going because I have kids to provide for.
I recently had a video call with a very prominent Dallas Blogger and she really gave me some great advice and helped me think through some of my ideas and I said that I was going to do better so I wouldn’t be wasting her time. I didn’t. Embarrassing.
I feel like I NEED to spend all of my free time when I’m not working with my kids or else I’m a bad mother. Hell, I feel like a bad mother for being at work and not home with them. The hamster wheel y’all. It’s a vicious cycle.
I love doing my makeup and putting on a cute outfit. I love taking and editing pictures. I love going to cute dinners. I love going to Target or Home Goods and finding cute things to decorate with. I watch people on Instagram and TikTok do it all the time, and I want to be someone people look to for inspiration or relatability purposes. But how can they find me if I haven’t even found myself?
I write things down all of the time. I write my plan down, I try to manifest how I see my life going…but faith without works is dead. I KNOW that, but yet I still can’t get out of my rut. Consistency is what I struggle with. How do you just…become consistent? I truly do admire the girlies who do it and make it look easy because ya girl is STRUGGLING.
There’s no philosophical anecdote to this entry…just my thoughts. My unorganized thoughts. I want more. I literally crave more…I just don’t know how to achieve it.
By the way, this picture is from the endless motivational quotes I have saved on my Pinterest 🫠.
