Mom Guilt
I struggle with mom guilt on an almost daily basis. I LOVE being a mother, but sometimes I forget that I’m a person too and struggle with self care . My boyfriend asks me what I eat and I’ll say what my daughter wants. I’ll do my daughters hair and leave mine in an un-combed bun for days. Someone will ask if I want to go out and my anxiety level shoots up. If on the rare occasion that I do decide to go out alone, I’m CONSTANTLY worrying what she’s doing and how she’s feeling because I’m not with her.
I know I can’t be the only one who feels this, and on one hand, yes your life is supposed to revolve around your children…but on the other, if you’re not taking care of yourself to the best of your ability, how can you take care of them?
I used to take some “mommy time” and go get my nails done or walk around Target for a bit, or go to the gym (yes girl I USED to actually enjoy working out 😭) just to focus on ME for a bit. That mommy time slowly started dwindling and now I can’t remember the last time I went out without my broke best friend.
I always feel like she’ll end up resenting me if I go have fun without her, and it’ll come back to haunt me eventually. Back when I was dating around, I would begrudgingly leave her with my parents but I would constantly text them asking how she was.
I read an article on Huffpost.com about this topic where a lady named Maya Vorderstrasse talked about how she put off getting her hair done because of mom guilt. She said, “I let myself believe that leaving my kids to do something for myself was neglecting them,” she wrote. “I had become invisible to myself, and that is a very dangerous hole to fall into.”
I believe that neglecting yourself can and will turn into depression. It’s a vicious cycle because you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of them…but once you do something for yourself that guilt kicks in.
To fix this, I think that you have to do your best to get out of your own head. I absolutely have NOT mastered this, but then again, that is exactly why I’m writing this. I’m learning as I go. You have to do whatever necessary to give your kids a happy and healthy mommy so you can be around for as long as you can, doing the best you can. That can’t happen as long as the guilt and anxiety are getting the best of you.
My self care now includes taking long bubble baths while watching YouTube videos. I tell my daughter that I love her to death and I make sure she has everything she needs, then I lock the bathroom door and tell her to chill until I come out. This is a very important time for me because I can de-stress, relax and exfoliate and I know that she will be okay until I am in mommy mode again.
I am a work in progress. I don’t think there is anything wrong with putting your kids needs before yours but there also has to be a balance where you don’t completely forget yourself in the meantime. I will tell her no to something and think she will hate me for it, but she will eventually get over it and I will start to relax a little more.
A mother’s job is never done, however a mother’s job also includes taking care of your mental/physical self too. Do your best to not get lost in guilt or anxiety but if you find yourself there, take a step back to reevaluate and gather yourself. Find ONE thing you enjoy and make sure you also find the time to do it.
Beyoncé said we run the world. Remember that and take care of yourself accordingly.
